Virgin In Her 20's

I am a writer. If there is any left over, then I'll be a woman.

Diagnosing Racism

Racism is a disease. Most of us are infected and are refusing treatment, causing the willful spread of the deadly virus to our children. 

Symptoms range from stereotyping, yelling racial epithets, strong beliefs in respectability politics, experiencing irrational fear in the presence of a black male, thinking a robbery justifies the shooting of an unarmed man and or suffering from blatant apathy to what is going on in Ferguson. 

More serious symptoms can include becoming a murderer. 

Still most people go without manifesting any obvious symptoms at all. However the racism virus is covertly and rapidly infecting their cardiac muscles, brain and nervous system. 

Many people attempt to self diagnose, resulting in a proliferation of false negatives. This has led some to the erroneous belief that the Racism Virus (RV) does not exist. The effect of misdiagnosis can be deadly. In a recent study conducted by POC percentages of false negatives were reported to be higher in white patients. Please seek professional care. Do not attempt to diagnose yourself at home or on your own. 

While there are no known cures, treatments include talking with a person of color about their experience. Listening must take place in order for the treatment to be most effective. 

Please I urge you, get help before its too late.

STEPHEN DUNN PRIZE IN POETRY WINNER:Crow’s Sugar - Solstice Literary Magazine

nwachauke said: Alysia I'm from Pretoria South Africa I'm a poet, do you think you can ever come to South Africa

It is one of my greatest hopes. In order for that to happen I need to be offered an official gig. If an organization wanted me to do a gig and a few workshops and were willing to cover my flight and hotel in return I would be to SA in a heartbeat. :-)

Anonymous said: I met a man. fell in love. felt invincible. for a couple months things have been bad, he lied about something and i keep thinking of past actions, i can't trust him.i feel insecure, like i don't know the truth. i can't let this go. our relationship isn't the same. I prayed and God brought me back to you, if its gone, everything good - do i let go or try Alysia. do i give up? I'm feeling hurt everyday and i lost my virginity to him, something planned to save till marriage

These are questions that I can’t answer for you my sweet because I do not know your situation nor is it my place to ever tell you what to do. I can say though people you love will hurt you. That’s a given its how the two of you react that determines whether the relationship can stand. Ask God what is best is for your life and then trust in that. Whether you stay with him or not is independent of whether you forgive him. Forgive him for that’s part of the way we walk out the gospel. 

poeticlogophile said: Is there a reason why when you give spiritual advice u don' support your statements with scripture? If I'm correct you practice Christianity, so don't u believe advice should come from the bible which is suppose to be a Disciples standard for living?

I support my advice with scripture or make gestures towards it when I feel its helpful. Scripture’s a great tool. So is one’s own personal experience of God’s grace and love. 

Anonymous said: again. And my boyfriend has always been willing to wait. I feel as though I was the weak one. Im confused and depressed about this. What do you think my necessary steps should be with God, I don't know whether i have lost it or not and it seems pretty ridiculous to me to say I haven't bar what anyone else says. Im confused, I feel I can't ask for forgiveness. I just don't know what to do and if I can be honest with myself and say I am a virgin even if my boyfriend says I am.

First of all, whether or not you have sex or not does not make a weak person and a failure. Both as a woman and as a child of God your worth is not bound up in your virginity. The denotation “virgin” means so many things to so many people and is ultimately a gradient and subjective term. So whether you are a virgin or not is something only you and your God can determine and no one else.

 My friend said this to me and I think this may bring you some comfort. Virginity isn’t something you lose all at once, it’s something you shed and there are various parts of that from kissing to touching to oral sex and all the way to intercourse. If you have gone beyond what you are comfortable with simply resolve not to go beyond it again.

As far as “what your next steps should be with God” why don’t you speak to your Heavenly Father. Whenever we sin against God or against our own conscious the next step is always the same… repent. Why do you think you can’t ask for forgiveness? Do you think forgiveness is only for perfect people… then they would never need to be forgiven.  Is this the first time you’ve ever sinned? What makes this any different then gossiping or lying, then being angry with someone in your heart or being jealous? Or do you think somehow your sin is too big? …If so you cheapen the blood of Christ. And what makes one act of partial penetration different from oral sex or fingering or anything. If you think God measures the different between those acts then God must be incredibly petty. None of which is true of God. 

God doesn’t love women because they are virgins or 3/4 virgins or not virgins at all. God loves us because he created  us, calls us his daughters, and has wonderful plans for us.  You are not a “real believer” because you don’t have sex. You are a “real believer” because you surrender your life to the will of God to be used by him to bring joy to those in need, to testify to his grace and to build up of his kingdom. And there are virgins and non virgins alike in that enterprise, all of whom God loves equally. 

I think part of your turmoil is due to the fact that you feel shame and guilt but that is not of God. That is of Satan. Sin does not disqualify us from the Lord’s presence and grace. However sin can make us feel unworthy so that we disqualify ourselves and willingly retreat from God’s goodness. Think about the sin of Adam and Eve. Once they sinned they hid from God even though God was searching for them, calling out for them in the garden. Once they sinned it wasn’t as if they ran to God and he said get away from me you filthy creatures. It’s because God knows our weakness and only by reliance on him are we strengthened. 

Tell your boyfriend to be of better support to you in your decision, that your decision should be his and that he should be as vigilant as you are in saving yourselves for marriage. Then go to God your Father and ask that he forgive you and comfort you so that you may, with peace in your heart, forgive yourself.

Anonymous said: hey alysia. i know you're saving yourself until marriage. but we are all different and i love the fact that you're understanding of that. im in this strange predicament right now where im learning about myself sexually, as well as faith wise. i love god, however, do you think i am less of a follower of god's word if i choose to have premarital sex but also love god all the same?

I think you need to ask yourself an entirely different set of questions. Why do you want to have sex and with whom and within what boundaries. Everything is lawful but not all things are expedient. I have by no means perfected of even walked this out myself but I would advise to be in a position of prayer and listening. Sin is disobedience to what God has told you. For one person it may be permissible for another it may not be. If you doubt and act out of doubt there is the sin. If you stand firm on a conviction your receive from the Lord and act in a way which does not cause others to sin then Paul would say you are on the right path. 

In my experience, sex or sexual activity with individuals just because you feel like it or desire them or lust after them is generally, again in my experience, sinful. Who are you building up? What community are you equipping via your actions? Who are you loving in the agape sense?  If you engage in any activity only to edify yourself, probably sinful. But if your desire is to serve the other and in so doing be served, to within confines of respect love, affirmation and holistic care explore the boundaries of self through sexual activity, then in my relationship with the Lord, that is permissible. But instead of asking me you should ask your Father. 

The main posture to take in any such situation is first a posture of internal inventory second a posture of discernment and third a posture of surrender. Not our will but the Lord’s. 

eastafrican said: Are you planning to come to Europe again? Much love from Holland.

I’d love to come to Holland, if you know of a venue that’s willing to bring international performance artists let me know!

abhorme said: When is Strivers Row Coming To Atlanta ?

dunno but i’ll be in atlanta in 10 days.

amyashay said: I love the collective you are apart of, I'm finally accepting the fact that writing and speaking are gifts I should embrace and not hide. However, there is a fear of response and receptiveness. Any advice?

Can’t write the truth out of fear. Write out of conviction. People are always convinced by good or bad by an individual’s conviction… look at Kanye… look at Hitler look at Gandhi… look at the people they were able to move by their belief.